The Photo that Speaks a Thousand Words

Remember those resolutions we made a few weeks ago? Maybe I called them Hopes and Dreams, but they were resolutions in disguise. “Live in the moment” was #2 on my list. I could go on and on about why I’ve been thinking about that the past few months {and, don’t worry, I will}, but I think this photo sums it up nicely:

That picture was taken the first week of Noodle’s life. She had doubled in size due to fluid retention. We were told earlier that morning that she wouldn’t make it, that her kidneys were shutting down. I sat and stared at the tube containing her urine, and it was stopped at 1cc. For the entire day. See that smile? I thought this would be one of the last photos I’d be able to take with her, and tried my best not to cry. I can not describe the feeling in my heart that day, but I bet you can see it on my face.

Yes, this is Noodle.

A few hours later they kicked us out of the NICU for rounds. We shuffled to the nearest cafe and ate tasteless food with our dulled senses. On our way back into her room, for what might have been one of the last times, the doctor stopped us in the hallway.

“When was the last time they checked her diaper?” they asked.

We had no idea. She had a catheter, the diaper was basically just a vanity item.

“Because we just checked and there was 40ccs of fluid in her diaper. The catheter must have leaked.”

40ccs??? As in, just over an ounce? Her kidneys were working, obviously not well but they did work!

From that moment on, things went up. We still had no idea whether or not she had brain function. We had no idea if she’d ever be able to walk or talk or chew or move. But she did pee. And the rest, as they say, is history.

When I hug our sweet girl, I think of this moment all the time. Obviously tears spring to my eyes and I have no way of stopping them. “Mama’s just happy, sweetie” I’ll tell my observant daughter.

With Baby Bee, we didn’t have that type of drama. In fact, his birth was wonderfully unexceptional. His hospital stay short. His special needs are few. But oh, what a blessing he is!

It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day cobwebs that snag our best intentions. My unsent emails number in the thousands. Uncalled numbers in the dozens. Too-much eaten goodies in the hundreds. But I’m vowing to savor each of the moments this year that make life worth living, even if it means I’m late with this or that. Perhaps the laundry pile is a little too high. Or the dishes a bit… unwashed.

I’m with my loves. One who battled to be here, and one who just is. And BOTH have stolen my heart just as surely as if they cracked the safe and taken it from the place I thought I locked it securely away.

The next time I go to check email and eat lunch and bounce the baby while talking on the phone I’m going to visualize that photo. Because these are the moments we’ll never get back, and I intend to savor them.

I hope you don’t mind when I post photos of the kids or I ramble on about my Mommy Mis-Adventures alongside the organization and home projects I post. I can’t help myself. The road to motherhood was long and rocky, and the rollercoaster hasn’t stopped just because both my babies are home. But I intend to fully experience those ups and downs, as “in the moment” as possible, because in a blink they’ll be but a memory!