Remember those resolutions we made a few weeks ago? Maybe I called them Hopes and Dreams, but they were resolutions in disguise. “Live in the moment” was #2 on my list. I could go on and on about why I’ve been thinking about that the past few months {and, don’t worry, I will}, but I think this photo sums it up nicely:
That picture was taken the first week of Noodle’s life. She had doubled in size due to fluid retention. We were told earlier that morning that she wouldn’t make it, that her kidneys were shutting down. I sat and stared at the tube containing her urine, and it was stopped at 1cc. For the entire day. See that smile? I thought this would be one of the last photos I’d be able to take with her, and tried my best not to cry. I can not describe the feeling in my heart that day, but I bet you can see it on my face.
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| Yes, this is Noodle. |
A few hours later they kicked us out of the NICU for rounds. We shuffled to the nearest cafe and ate tasteless food with our dulled senses. On our way back into her room, for what might have been one of the last times, the doctor stopped us in the hallway.
“When was the last time they checked her diaper?” they asked.
We had no idea. She had a catheter, the diaper was basically just a vanity item.
“Because we just checked and there was 40ccs of fluid in her diaper. The catheter must have leaked.”
40ccs??? As in, just over an ounce? Her kidneys were working, obviously not well but they did work!
From that moment on, things went up. We still had no idea whether or not she had brain function. We had no idea if she’d ever be able to walk or talk or chew or move. But she did pee. And the rest, as they say, is history.
When I hug our sweet girl, I think of this moment all the time. Obviously tears spring to my eyes and I have no way of stopping them. “Mama’s just happy, sweetie” I’ll tell my observant daughter.
With Baby Bee, we didn’t have that type of drama. In fact, his birth was wonderfully unexceptional. His hospital stay short. His special needs are few. But oh, what a blessing he is!
It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day cobwebs that snag our best intentions. My unsent emails number in the thousands. Uncalled numbers in the dozens. Too-much eaten goodies in the hundreds. But I’m vowing to savor each of the moments this year that make life worth living, even if it means I’m late with this or that. Perhaps the laundry pile is a little too high. Or the dishes a bit… unwashed.
I’m with my loves. One who battled to be here, and one who just is. And BOTH have stolen my heart just as surely as if they cracked the safe and taken it from the place I thought I locked it securely away.
The next time I go to check email and eat lunch and bounce the baby while talking on the phone I’m going to visualize that photo. Because these are the moments we’ll never get back, and I intend to savor them.
I hope you don’t mind when I post photos of the kids or I ramble on about my Mommy Mis-Adventures alongside the organization and home projects I post. I can’t help myself. The road to motherhood was long and rocky, and the rollercoaster hasn’t stopped just because both my babies are home. But I intend to fully experience those ups and downs, as “in the moment” as possible, because in a blink they’ll be but a memory!
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| seeing Daddy for the first time after she woke from her coma |
I can honestly say I hope to never forget how I felt the moment that photo was taken. Because it makes every moment thereafter all the sweeter.
Oh Carrie, this post put a tear in my eye! I’m so glad things worked out well for you and your beautiful daughter!! Your son is also a beautiful baby! My sons are raised and have children of their own, but as you said, I valued every minute I had with them as they grew up, because time goes by so fast! Keep taking those photos and write little remembrances of the cute things they do. You won’t regret it!
Yup, this made me cry!!! Thanks for the reminder!! Love you and your beautiful family!!!
XOXO
C, This post was exactly what I needed today. Thank you.
Stopping by from SITs.
What a beautiful family you have. I am so glad things turned out well.Life is so precious. Both of my boys were born through emergency C-sections, but once they were out they didn’t have many issues.
However, my older one was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 8 years later and we almost lost him due to not realizing something is wrong sooner.
This is the first year I decided not to make any resolutions, but live in a moment and do the best I can in the areas of my life that are important to me….the rest doesn’t really matter.
Dang it Carrie, I’m supposed to be the toughest chick on the net, quit making me cry! And tell Noodle she’s even scrumptious with tubes all over the place.
Thanks for sharing 🙂 What a sweet and remarkable story! I was also a baby who was not supposed to make it through the night 37 years ago! Sometimes when I get frustrated with something or if I am just being lazy I remind myself that I was brought into this world as a fighter and I don’t need to ever give up! Sometimes I forget that though and I am glad I stopped by your blog today because I needed that reminder today!
Carrie, Just followed you here from SITS. I’m all teared up reading what you had to go through. What an emotional roller coaster! Your reminder to stop working and play with my kids couldn’t have come at a better time. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your story! It really was what I needed to put things in perspective today. As a busy working mom, I all too often think about the tommorows or my never ending to do list instead of just enjoying the here and now.
Carrie, thank you for sharing! I am trying to do the same thing this year – pare down life a bit so that I can focus on the joy in my life and not get bogged down by the little (less important) things.
My son Jack had a similar start last year in that we were told he may not make it and did an emergency baptism at 6 hrs old…but he pulled through and continues to amaze us everyday. And now I’m determined not to waste time focusing on the less important things in life.
Here’s hoping I can keep remembering my own “picture” whenever I head down a different path!
jackluigi.blogspot.com
I just followed your comment on CinLynnBoutique’s blog over to your blog. Now I’m a new follower. Come on over and visit my backyard too,……………when you get a minute. 🙂
http://poetesswug-thewugsbackyardblogspot.blogspot.com/
What a story! Here you were, completely hopeless, and a wet diaper brought back all your hopes and wishes! Amazing! I’m so glad your story has a happy ending. 🙂
I am sitting here at work with tears rolling down my face. Your story is so touching. It was heartbreaking at first and then to see Abby running it just warms my heart. I am inspired by your strength and courage. I know in Abby’s story post you mentioned that she was meant to do great things. I agree! And with a mom like you how could she not.
p.s. I love reading your mom stories. So please do not stop sharing.
xoxo
Ginger
I have been reading through the posts about your miracle daughter and as the mom of some “making lemonade” kids myself, have been choked up the whole time. Your daughter is beautiful and a testament to the power of prayer and of the strength she has and you have. Thanks for sharing your story.