This isn’t a post about decorating, or recipes, or a craft I happened to create. If that’s what you are here for today, please stop back tomorrow and I promise we’ll resume some normalcy around here at that time. But for the rest of you, those who stick around because you believe this little blog has heart, I invite you to pull up a chair and perhaps suspend belief for a few moments because I promise what I’m about to share with you is 100% true. And I feel compelled to share it for reasons explained at the end, that will only make sense if you come along on this journey and wait for it to come around full circle, as it will, I promise.
I really do try to keep it light and home & lifestyle related on this blog. But the title, Making Lemonade, was born because of my daughter and our journey that started well before she was even conceived. Something I’ve never gone into detail here on the blog is that Noodle was a miracle even before she was born. A long three years after we started hoping we’d be pregnant, I was given a 4% chance of giving birth to a child of our own (or having “a live birth”, as my doctor called it).
Amazingly, the month we heard that awful news was the month I became pregnant. And that pregnancy continued past the 7 week, 9 week, and 12 week milestones I’d never been able to attain before. For the most part, this pregnancy was proceeding exactly as it should… except, deep down, I knew it wasn’t.
Here’s where I’m about to say things I’ve only told a few people, those friends I know I can confide in when the lights at the restaurant dim and we’ve had a few too many mojitos and things start pouring out.
And there’s a reason I’m sharing it on the blog today.
But first things first. One typical weekday morning a few years ago I was standing behind the circulation desk of my school library, chatting with one of my favorite people in the whole world– who happened to be a parent at that school. She and I had first met formally years before, on the day she was interviewing me as part of her role in our school’s evaluation process. Her 3-year-old daughter, a beautiful little girl with a rare condition called Rett syndrome, sat in a wheelchair at her side. Without thinking, I started doing what I’m usually compelled to do– I started smiling and winking at that sweet angel. In return– in that silent, silent room– I got a huge belly laugh out of this non-verbal girl with the wise eyes of an old soul.
Her mom stared at me and asked, “what are you doing?”
Startled, I thought I was in trouble… until she continued,
“She never does that. Not with people she doesn’t know. Look at her smile!”
Sure enough, C. was smiling and beaming at me. “It’s because she knows I love her” I said, to this almost complete stranger. And I meant every word.
Fast forward a few years later, and to her mom and I chatting on that typical morning. Sweet C. had sadly passed away not long after that laughing, joyful first exchange. As I rubbed my growing pregnant belly, her mom and I talked about pregnancy and intuition and all those things you don’t typically discuss, unless, for some reason, you do.
They hadn’t known about C’s Rett syndrome until well after she was born. Yet her mom stood there and told me several startling revelations she’d experienced during the pregnancy that in hindsight made sense. She recounted reading the book Expecting Adam by Martha Beck (a memoir about a Harvard trained author who discovered she was carrying a child with Down Syndrome and the everyday magic she discovered through this experience), and having an incredible connection to it despite her own pregnancy going so smoothly. Or remembering how the sight of a handicapped van in a parking lot filled her with such sorrow and compassion for that family it almost overwhelmed her.
And now, I can recount to YOU, with clarity usually reserved for life’s momentous occasions, how I remember that conversation word for word. How I knew it would mean something down the road. How I wanted to go read that book, and how I could intensely visualize my friend’s grief at seeing that van (despite at the time not knowing that would someday be her daughter and family in the handicapped parking space).
Amazingly, that’s only the beginning of my story, the intuition, the “knowing things” that simply should have been impossible to know.
Well before it was possible to predict whether I was having a boy or a girl, I knew this baby we so desperately wanted was a girl. In fact, by 10 weeks along I confidently talked to my little girl as a “she”, knowing full well I was carrying a daughter.
I suppose that’s not so unusual. Many people have intuitions about the sex of their child… and, hey, I had a 50/50 chance of being correct. Those odds were not bad at all. But another not-so-unusual-but-rarely-discussed-thing is that I also knew her face. Before I ever saw it on the 3D ultrasound, the face of my daughter floated through in a dream. I knew it as sure as I knew my own face. Her cheeks, her smile– I knew exactly what she looked like well before I should have know.
When I finally had my 20 week ultrasound and was told I was carrying a girl and given a glimpse at her face on the screen, my heart felt right at home. I knew this. I knew her. I wasn’t even surprised or shocked at the face staring back, because I’d already seen it and known it all along.
Yet… something wasn’t right. Sure, I passed my ultrasound exam with flying colors but as I stared at the ultrasound photos something did not sit well with me. Specifically, the umbilical cord.
Embarrassed my husband would catch me and chide me for “researching” online, I slyly googled as much information I could find about umbilical cords in ultrasound photos. A school librarian by trade, what on earth did I expect to find that both the highly trained ultrasound tech and doctor couldn’t?
Looking back, of course, that answer is obvious. My daughter’s umbilical cord had grown over my cervix, causing it to burst during those first gentle contractions induced at 41 weeks of pregnancy in the hospital. But no one diagnosed it before it burst. No one, except for me, and what on earth did I know? Truthfully, you couldn’t actually see that on the ultrasound. Vasa previa, the fancy name for what happened, is almost impossible to diagnose by standard ultrasound. But by intuition? That’s new territory.
Let me tell you what I knew, well before we actually “knew”.
During the hospital tour a few week’s before my due date, nothing felt right. I was jumpy. I didn’t smile and laugh and dream like the other expectant couples. Instead, I stared at the bed I knew I wouldn’t use and the emergency warmer I knew we would. I studied the monitor and asked about how they measured the heartbeat during labor. When it was over I practically ran out of the building, not easy at 35 weeks of pregnancy. I could not picture myself in labor, no matter how hard I tried.
I’d return a few weeks later to visit a dear friend and her newborn baby. Sitting in the c-section recovery room three weeks before my due date, I had the overwhelming knowledge that I needed my baby delivered NOW. As we all sat there and commented on her beautiful daughter, my friend said she couldn’t wait until my daughter was also here. I fervently and vehemently exclaimed, “now she just needs to get here. I need her out, like, now. I JUST WANT HER OUT.” A panic rose up inside I’d never before felt and I was so certain they just needed to cut her out of me, right then and there.
After that strange outburst, which I chalked up to being nervous, I had another moment of lunacy insight. At my 40 week appointment with my husband by my side, my doctor determined it was time to schedule an induction. As she left the room to make the call to get the date, I burst into tears. I had a horrible feeling that date would be the worst of our lives. Again, as I called my mom to tell her the “good” news, and she said she couldn’t believe that by Thursday she’d be a grandmother, I hung up the phone sobbing uncontrollably.
“I want this baby here.” I told my husband. Not in the “it’s been 40 weeks, enough already” type of exhaustion, but rather in the “let’s cut her out NOW so she can be safe” type of declaration. Only I could not tell my doctor that. Could you imagine the response? “Listen, doc, I know you are an expert in these things and everything but I’ve decided I just need a c-section. So let’s skip the cervadil and the pitocin and all the drama and go right for the c-section, okay?”
Not. Gonna. Happen.
As we drove to the hospital for the induction, I turned to my husband and said, “you know this is going to end in a c-section, right?”
He looked at me. “Um, no?”
Men.
At 1:04 AM on the day of my daughter’s birth, as we heard her heart stop beating on the monitor and my world crumbled around me while the room filled with nurses, they flipped my onto my knees to prep me for surgery and I did the only thing that seemed right. I began to pray, nonstop– and out loud for the first time in my life:
Please God, save my baby.
Please God, save my baby.
Please God, save my baby.
Then they ran my gurney down the hall, the mask went over my face, and I breathed in– falling asleep not knowing her fate.
When I woke up, she was transferred to another hospital before I was able to see her. As I looked at the people gathered in my room, someone else’s voice came from deep inside and I told them I was at peace with this, I’d known something was wrong all along. That I was terribly heartbroken of course, but at peace with the fate I’d known was coming.
That baby and I had an incredible connection before she was born. She spoke to me and told me secrets. Somehow I knew she’d be different, she’d be special; that something was wrong with her umbilical cord, and she would be born via c-section. However, apparently the intuition that had been my constant companion for all those months was severed the moment she left my body. I’ll leave you with one more story to prove it perhaps lived on, but in another person.
Exactly 24 hours after her dramatic delivery, with a cooling cap on her tiny head in an attempt to slow the inevitable brain damage about to occur from over 30 minutes without oxygen, I met my daughter for the first time in the flesh. As I neared the warmer, surrounded with countless pumps and tubes and wires, I was able to stroke her pink skin for the first time. We’d been warned she had almost no chance of survival, and I needed her to know something first. Again, another person’s words rose out of me.
“Abby. Thank you for allowing us to meet you. You are more beautiful than even I imagined and we are so, so proud of how hard you fought to be here. We are the most proud and lucky mommy and daddy in the world.”
The monitors beeped, the bag breathed for her, and alarms sounded every few moments as various things continued to go wrong with her tiny body.
“But I know how hard you fought, and how tired you must be, and I want you to know it’s okay. It’s okay if you have to leave us. I’ll love you forever and with every part of me, but I know you are tired and if you need to leave we’ll understand. We’ll be forever heartbroken, but we’ll understand.”
That’s when my husband, her daddy, spoke to her for the first time since he’d wheeled me into the room.
“But keep fighting. You can do it. You really, really, need to keep fighting.”
Yes, it seems that special bond may have left me but was born again in him, because as you know by now that little one is here today– keeping me on my toes in the best way possible. Even from day one she didn’t listen to me. I’m not sure why, and we don’t question it.
To this day, even with her daily struggles and weekly OT, PT and other services, our little fighter shows that her daddy is quite clearly the more intuitive of the two of us. Despite all that I “knew,” he was the one that was right. She needed to keep fighting, and she somehow had it in her to do so. And she still does.
Thank you, God.
It took 4 years and perhaps some divine intervention before I’d read the book my intuitive friend had mentioned all those years ago. When Expecting Adam was offered to me as November’s From Left to Write book club choice I was surprised this “blast from the past” came back to me in this way. Imagine my shock when I began to digest the first few chapters and realized the book itself is about things that can’t be explained and the everyday magic the author experienced during her pregnancy.
If Martha Beck, a Harvard post-grad student at the time, could admit to society the inexplicable things she experienced than who was I to keep silent about the intuition and magic with my little angel, Abby?
Hope you aren’t considering admitting me to the psych ward deleting your subscription to my blog. I promise this is the only time I’ll go all “X files” on you (is that even an appropriate reference? perhaps I should say go all “Medium” on you?) It’s an internal dialogue that I’ve wanted to put into words for 3 years now, and reading this book provided the perfect push to do so.
Halloween 2011
So Bella says
Wow, thank you for posting this! Your little girl is beautiful!
cathy says
Thanks for sharing, I also had strong feelings when I was going through infertility treatment. Many dreams and feelings that played out almost exactly. I don’t share because I don’t think anyone would believe. Your daughter is beautiful.
Ammu says
Hi even i had few strong intuitions during my pregnancy. In our family everyone told me that I’am goin to deliver a baby boy, but my inner voice told it was a girl baby. two months before my labor, my sat next to me and was asking my baby in the womb when she will be coming out. I felt like asking her too. I just kept my hand on my belly and asked her when will you come out, I litera heard her say it’s march 24th!! My due date was from March 24th to April 6th. Doc had booked appointment for me on March 26 th also and told me no C-section until it’s emergency. It was 23rd morning I got pains and exactly on 24th my daughter had born!!! I still can’t believe how could I eve hear her say that exact date!! After reading your story I realised it’s all that connection between mother and the kid.
Brenda says
I am so thankful for your story. I thank our lord and savior for your strength to keep praying for your little girl.
what a great testimony to others faith. AS small as a mustard seed.
Blessing to you and your family.
Shasta @ intheoldroad says
Your post and all those pictures bring back so many memories for me. Countless days sitting in the NICU staring at my little baby and all those cords and hoses. I had a placental abruption over 9 years ago and me and my baby almost didn’t survive it. I think it’s awesome that you can share your story…I’m not there yet. Your daughter is precious!
Thien-Kim aka Kim says
Thank you for sharing your story. Intuition is such a powerful feeling.
Lynsey Summers says
Wow, as I wipe away the big ploppy tears that are making their way down my face now (and it’s only just 8am!) this post has made me WANT to join your blog world. I hopped on over from the Found The Marbles blog hop as the picture of your little girl all wired up in her incubator was all so familiar to me. Amazingly and candidly written as only come with from someone who has had the strength to get through something traumatic. I am trying to do the same myself on my own blog through a feature called ‘The Disability Diaries’ – posts dedicated to my eldest son and his / our life. I hope it will help me finally get memories, incidents etc all filed away neatly in my brain. It does help. I hope my story can touch you as much as yours did me.
Lynsey (http://lynseythemotherduck.blogspot.com)
Silicon Valley Diva says
What a beautiful, moving story! Thank you for sharing.
How is your daughter doing today? She is just beautiful!
Miss Sparkles says
First of all, your little girl is beautiful!
I am really glad you wrote this and I don’t think it’s in the least bit crazy. I’m not a Mum (yet) so I can’t write from that perspective but I’ve had moment before, especially connected with my grandfathers passing where I’ve just known something was going to happen.. only I seldom talk about it because people look at me like I’m loopy..
There are some things that just don’t make sense.
Your connection to your unborn baby sounds incredible and I’m glad you shared this story here.
Sarah says
Funny you should post this… when I was pregnant for my twins I KNEW there was something wrong with one of the babies. I just KNEW it. Turns out he had a heart defect, open heart surgery at 5 days old, 10 months old and now next week at 5 years old. You are NOT crazy.
Lisa Hanneman says
Wow. Such an incredible story. Fighting back tears on the train to work. Thank you.
Beth says
What an incredible story – I am so glad you wrote it down for us. Seven years ago, in 2004, my mother wasn’t feeling well – but nothing specific – she was just tired. We went to see her doctor, who is a friend, and he ran bloodwork. All of it came back fine. She needed more rest, was she under stress…all the things they say to a woman when she is unwell. One morning, I spoke to my mom over the phone, as I did every morning, and when I hung up I was overwhelmed by the idea that I had to call her doctor. And I did, at home – which I would never do. I told him that he needed to give her a CT scan or an MRI or something because I KNEW something was really wrong. Later that day he did. It turned out my mother had a softball-sized tumor growing on her kidney. It was an aggressive cancer, that had miraculously stayed contained within the kidney capsule. Here we are, 7 years later, and my mom is doing great – minus one kidney. So I understand when you say “you knew.” I knew too.
Carrie says
I just want to tell all who commented that it was such a wonderful thing to open up my laptop this morning and hear your kinds words and stories. I was nervous about what people would say, and you are all once again proving it’s okay to open up and speak from the heart– even it’s a little bit outside the norm. Thank you, truly.
Stacy says
You have the most beautiful angel in your midst’s. It’s been over 30 years since I was pregnant but I can still remember clearly the fear I had when I was trying to get pregnant because of the different genes in both our families. I also remember waking up one morning and all the fears miraculously were gone. I dismissed it at the time thinking I had finally come to terms with things. Weeks later I found out I was pregnant and when they wanted to do testing I refused because I knew…I KNEW without a doubt that my baby was healthy. And she was. This is reverse from what others are writing but I truly believe in the power of that bond. We now have 3 angels of our own and 9 grand-angels! You keep writing everything you feel you need to. Your blog is one of my favorites. Thank you for sharing.
Gen says
A true love story. Thank you. I named my boy Simon before we found out we were expecting a boy. People thought I’d be disappointed in the end. Think not! I too knew his face. Childbirth was pretty easy for me except that my husband missed the show! He arrived 8 hours too late! I was the loneliest and the most fulfilled I’d even been all at the same time! I’d still do it all over again if we could ever be so blessed again. Cheers to you and your beautiful family Carrie. Gen,
Amanda says
Oh you made me cry! Your little one is such a cutie, don’t you just want to smoosh her checks!
I could have written this post, it took me along time to accept I was pregnant, it was as if I was never meant to be a mummy to twins. I knew there was something seriously wrong with Ethan, but countless ‘professionals’ kept saying otherwise, I almost had a ‘smack down’ in the ER with a doctor when then were about to send him home again, if I hadn’t insisted they admit him and find out what was wrong, he’d have died within 48 hours.
Some times parents do know best, we may not have the letters after our names but we have that bond of growing a person and ‘just knowing’.
I’m off to give my boys big cuddles, thanks for sharing your story.
nn says
Such a beautiful post! Brings back so many memories. I’ll never forget that phone call from Hubby. You are one, amazing, strong family….beautiful inside and out! Love you all!!
Blyro's Books says
Your story gave me goose bumps. I do agree with this intuition thing. I was in unexpected shock before delivering our first baby (CS). I also knew she would be a the moment she was conceived. Also had the same feeling – she is to come out today, 4 days earlier than the doctor scheduled. Mom knows best – even before they were born:)
Following your lovely blog. It would be an honor to have you follow back.
Thank you!
BLYRO,
[author of children’s picture book ‘Over and Under’ and raising 10,000 copies of this book for less fortunate children across the U.S.]
http://blyro.peachburst.com ~ give the gift that gives ~
Rhiannon says
I absolutely love your story. I think everyone should be more intouch with their intuition. your daughter definately is such a blessing.
My son recently is being visited from a friend of mine, who passed (suicide) 4 years ago. It’s amazing what detail he speaks of my friend and even pointed out his house this past weekend. I am still in shock, but i belive him.
Jessica @FoundtheMarbles says
Oh, Carrie. What a beautiful, beautiful post and tribute to the three of you as a family. Now I must go and get more tissues…
Kris says
Your strong voice and heart continue to amaze me. I am so blessed to know you in real life, friend.
ginger @ literally inspired says
I’m crying too! You do this to me all the time. You are brave and strong and your courage is changing people. Every time you write you move people. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure it took a lot to share this.
Ginger
Shandra Ward, Designer says
Intuition is a good thing. You have been blessed with a beautiful child. Hi Abbey!
Alicia says
I’m so glad you went with your intuition and posted this. What a wonderful story and what a brave little girl!
Charley says
What an inspiring story! I knew that labor would not happen for me even as I scheduled that induction appointment. I have no first-hand recollection of my sons amazing birth circumstances but I thank God for him everyday. Sometimes God gives a little glimpse of what is to come to prepare us, that way when we are in the middle of the “cirucmstance” we can look back and know He was there then and now. It is difficult to verbalize because it is between us and Him. Thank you for putting your story so eloquently into words.
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing this. You and your story have touched me.
Terry says
I love you and I’ve only just met you. Powerful post!!
Johane Levesque says
Intuition when pregnant? I’ve experienced it with all 4 of my girls. With my first, I knew the MOMENT that I got pregnant, even though the tests would come back negative for the first 3 months… and that she was a girl. I also knew that she was going to be a violinist… when I was 6.5 months pregnant. With my second, my doctor was concerned about my pregnancy. I knew in the depth of my soul that she was fine. And she was. With my third, I knew she was going to be the quietest of them all. I also knew, as I still know, that there was something off. She has her issues and we are trying to address them, but it’s hard when she is very intelligent and the symptoms are vague. Even in my pregnancy with her, she kept her pregnancy issues quiet until the very last second when a fluke test revealed that we had a problem. With my last, as soon as I found her name (the day that I got my positive pg test), I knew she was a girl. I knew that her name was exactly that, and she could never be named anything else. I also knew that she would be the one that would, as we say in French, “me donner du fil à retordre.” which means “give me rope to retwist.” And she has held true to the impressions I got during my pregnancy.
Are you crazy? Absolutely not. You knew it, and you did what you could. When the feelings are vague, and the symptoms nearly impossible to find on tests, then its virtually impossible to do anything more. You did exactly what you knew you needed to do – you educated yourself about the things that you would need to know when your little darling was born.
Intuition? Yeah, when it comes to a mother’s baby, she always knows.
Aimee says
What a miracle!! Your story is beautiful as I’m sure your mother-daughter bond will be, too!!! Thanks so much for sharing!!!
Hugs, Aimee @ ItsOverflowing.com
Julie@teachinggoodeaters says
Such and amazing story- thank you so much for sharing!
Uneeka Jay (powermommy) says
Wow, wow, wow! This is the FIRST blog I have read that took tears of pain and changed them into tears of joy line by line. And NO you are not crazy. I believe that your “intuition” was God’s voice. He was preparing you for the moment when she was born. Because you knew beforehand you were able to cope better. I am a firm believer in Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in your mothers womb, I knew you. That tells me that God is ever present with our children BEFORE they even get into the womb. POWERFUL! Thank you for sharing!
Diane says
What a wonderful post! Your daughter is beautiful…my memory of her is picking blackberries this past summer at Longview Farm. I didn’t realize she had such a challenging start in this world. I absolutely believe in intuition and instincts. I knew I was pregnant before the tests were positive, and after 18 months of trying. I knew I was having a boy and even felt that he picked out his name as it was not a name I had ever considered but could not stop thinking about while pregnant. I still try to recognize my instincts…I believe they won’t steer me wrong. This is a beautiful post and I’m glad you shared it!
Mrs Gloves says
Thank you so much for sharing Carrie! You know my two boys were also NICU babies and now that I think about it, I had that feeling as well. As if something just wasn’t right. Wish I would have listened to that nagging feeling a little bit more!
Fran {The Flavorful Fork} says
OK, where’s a tissue? Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt and personal story. I do believe there is a special bond mothers and children share and that we do need to trust our instincts when we think something is wrong.
Andrea (PARENTise) says
Wow Carrie! What a story. Your story is amazing. Your daughter will understand your connection one day and it will be your bond that only the 2 of you share.
SocialStudiesSoubrette says
Carrie thank you so much for sharing yourself and your beautiful Abby with us. I think you were right on. God was preparing your heart. He is so good like that. I think it’s so good to reflect on the miracles God has done for us lest we forget. What a powerful testimony you have. I feel so honored to read it <3
mammabearsworld says
Amazing Carrie. I was in tears reading this, as I’m sure many parents would be. I truly believe that we all have those moments of intuition (and yes, I knew from the day of the pregnancy test that my first was a boy). Thank you for sharing your miraculous story.
Nichole Ann says
What an amazing and not crazy at all story! I do believe in intuition. Without going into too many (and sometimes sad) details I’ll just say I’ve had 2 pregnancies and knew via dreams that I was having a boy both times. I think part of me knew I would have a miscarriage and lose the first boy too.
ParadigmShift says
Beautiful.
Anonymous says
Beautiful and powerful. Your intuition is a gift and guiding force. There’s a book you might like called “The Three Only Things” by Robert Moss. You are SO not crazy!
Jenni says
Oh my, she is perfect isn’t she. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. There are too many stories like this and it feels so good to be able to connect to others that understand! Please squeeze you little miracle for me and let her know she is loved by so many strangers that she will never meet but we are out here! HUGS!
folkhaven says
I read this through tears. Thank you for sharing your story. After reading this I think I may have the courage to question/badger/demand things of my doctors if I had strong intuition during pregnancy. Those are things that don’t come easily to me.
Piccadilly Arts | Londonmodgirl says
Beautiful story…I hope you always trust and believe in your intuition. I have had many of those moments in my 34 years…some are more clear in my memory…times when I knew I had to leave school RIGHT THEN (I was a jr. at SJU) because I had to go home and I would find my mom, just let go from her job in tears sobbing away in her bed, a foreign creature to me in that state and yet it was obviously God’s will that I be with her then…years later after my Grandfather passed, my little cousin who only knew him for 18 months of her life would tell us she sees him all the time at my mother’s house. A ghost? I don’t know but I don’t question any of it. I just believe. God works in strange mysterious ways.
andie jaye says
you’ve got a new follower in me. when things like this happen, they aren’t just coincidence. with faith, those don’t exist. perhaps God was preparing you for the struggles… what a beautiful little girl she has grown to be…with such light in her eyes. i had to smile when you mentioned this making you lose followers. you’ve gained one in me.
andie @ crayonfreckles
Meredith from A Mother Seeking says
My comment was just deleted. 🙁 Trying again…
Love this story and it’s all so TRUE!
If you ever have a moment, stop by my blog and read my feather story; we share very similar beliefs!
Meredith From A Mother Seeking Come find me on my blog, A Mother Seeking…
Alzbeta says
You are such a sweet, strong mama! How wonderful that you had that connection from the beginning… I have to admit that I cried as I read it. My NICU experience was luckily a little less dramatic than this, but I know those sights well. God bless you and your sweet little!
Christie says
Today was my first visit to your blog, I sobbed the whole time I was reading this! What an amazing God we serve. Your babies are gorgeous. I have an Abbie too 🙂 Thank you for reminding me what blessings our children are. I think we all need these “Medium/X-Files” moments now and again. Following your blog from today on 🙂
Rita@thissortaoldlife says
I found you via Literally Inspired, and when I read your About page (which reminds me much of what our own blog is about), I kept reading. And I got to this page, and I couldn’t stop.
I have my own infertility/intuition/NICU story. I spent my entire pregnancy focused on nothing more than live birth–to the point that I was shockingly unprepared for what came after. I had twins, and I had the same connection with my daughter. At every point in the pregnancy, she was the one I could communicate with. Whenever they stopped moving for too long, I would panic that I’d lost them. I would tell her that I just needed her to move, to let me know they were OK, and she always did. I, too, knew I was not going to deliver them. Like you, I just simply could not see it happening. I don’t know how I knew. It was something different than thinking or wishing I could have a C-section. I knew it. And like you, I had the same panic/anxiety attack when the hospital took me on a NICU tour at 29 weeks (when I was already hospitalized due to bleeding and pre-term labor. They were delivered by emergency c-section at 32 weeks, and I also remember being wheeled away with a mask over my face. I woke up alone, not knowing how the story had gone, feeling so empty without those babies inside of me.
My miracles are about to turn 14 (on Monday). Having them is the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. I don’t expect anything to be more profound. I am always hungry for the stories of other women who lived a similar tale. So thankful to have stumbled upon your blog, and that you chose to write this.
Lisa Nadene says
Dear Carrie, what an amazing story. never doubt the power of one’s intuition. A very dear friend of mine’s granddaughter was born with an esophagus problem where it did not attach to her stomach. She spent the first 3/4 months of her life in ICU and was a year old on 7 Feb 2012 and spent her first birthday in ICU following her operation to connect esophagus to stomach. her intestine ruptured and presently she is being fed into the intestine and she is not eating on her own yet. I have so much faith that she is going to be okay and that in time is going to be eating like any other child her age. I am hoping that her mom is going to make contact through your amazing blog. Kind regards from South Africa – Lisa (www.memoryshed.blogspot.com)
Samm Spangler says
Thank you so much for sharing such an amazing story! I am seriously crying at my desk right now, but for all the right reasons (you have a glowing beautiful daughter!) My mom said when she had me, she was 100% certain I was a girl (about 2 months before my parents even found out) and was 100% about my brother being a boy… Mom’s just know.
My husband and I have only been married 7 months, and we’re still probably a year or two away from having any kids of our own, but there is not a single bone in my body that doubts my first child is going to be a girl. The weird thing is I’ve known since I had the most realistic dream of my entire life when I was a sophomore in college = I’m having a little girl at the age of 28. I saw everything… my husband (who I didnt even know when I was a sophomore), what color the room was (mint green), the fact that I was sweaty and I had a brown clip in my hair, and that I was looking down, holding my daughter that I had just given birth to in a white and pink wrap. Im not claiming to be physic or anything, but its just one of those things in my gut that I know is true.
A woman’s intuition is a POWERFUL thing and should be trusted, not feared. I am so happy that everything turned out for your pretty little Noodle and thank you again so much for telling your story…
Caroline says
wow..your story is incredible. You should never doubt your intuition! I knew my own baby girl was going to be early. My “work wife” knew it was a girl, even though we’d left it a surprise. Maura Fern was born 4 weeks early, due to Placenta Previa, and suffered seizures that began 36 hours into life. I knew she would come early. I had grave feelings about it all. In all, she spent 35 days in the NICU at CHOP. She gets PT and ST now, and she still takes antiseizure medication…but boy did she try me in the beginning!
http://www.river-girl.com
Caity-lyn says
That is an amazing story 🙂
I know exactly what you are talking about I have a similar story about knowing things I shouldn’t have. From the moment I became pregnant I had a feeling something would go horribly wrong, at first I just chalked it up to nerves but then at our 9 week ultrasound we found out we were having twins and that feeling deepened. From that moment on I knew it was a matter of when something would go wrong not if. I had a constant nagging feeling in the back of my mind of of worry and anxiety, I was lucky I had an appointment every 3 or 4 weeks or I would have gone crazy. Every appointment I got to hear their heartbeats and see them moving around it would ease my fear for a few days and then it would return. Then, at our 21 week ultrasound when we found out we were having two girls my fears were confirmed, we also found out that my cervix was short. The doctors told me that that is common in twin pregnancy and to take progesterone and come back next week to check it, but I knew it was the beginning of the end. The next week it was even shorter and I was put on strict bed rest and told that if we didn’t make it to 24 weeks my babies wouldn’t be viable. So we went home and prayed. We made it to 24Weeks to the day and I went into labor. I was in labor for 6 days before our little girls were born both weighing 1lb5oz and 12 in long. I thought the feeling would go away after that “They both had to make it , we had been through enough already right?” but it didn’t, it just deepened.
11 Days later our sweet daughter lost her fight for life and left us to be in heaven. The next days and weeks were the darkest of my life I was afraid to bond with our other daughter for fear of loosing her. Then I realized even with all the pain and sadness and despair and heartbreak I was feeling there was one feeling missing, the fear that I had been keeping in the deepest part of my heart since the day we found out we were pregnant was gone. It was gone, and from that moment on I knew our other daughter would be ok. Even if things went wrong I knew she would survive. In all the caos of my life at that moment, I took solace in knowing that.
Here we are almost 8 months later and our miracle baby is home, happy and thriving. There is definitely something to be said about a mothers intuition. I definitely believe.
Once again thank you so much for sharing your story, your amazing daughter is beautiful 🙂 I think I am definitely going to have to pick up that book and take a look at it myself.
Caity-lyn says
That is an amazing story 🙂
I know exactly what you are talking about I have a similar story about knowing things I shouldn’t have. From the moment I became pregnant I had a feeling something would go horribly wrong, at first I just chalked it up to nerves but then at our 9 week ultrasound we found out we were having twins and that feeling deepened. From that moment on I knew it was a matter of when something would go wrong not if. I had a constant nagging feeling in the back of my mind of of worry and anxiety, I was lucky I had an appointment every 3 or 4 weeks or I would have gone crazy. Every appointment I got to hear their heartbeats and see them moving around it would ease my fear for a few days and then it would return. Then, at our 21 week ultrasound when we found out we were having two girls my fears were confirmed, we also found out that my cervix was short. The doctors told me that that is common in twin pregnancy and to take progesterone and come back next week to check it, but I knew it was the beginning of the end. The next week it was even shorter and I was put on strict bed rest and told that if we didn’t make it to 24 weeks my babies wouldn’t be viable. So we went home and prayed. We made it to 24Weeks to the day and I went into labor. I was in labor for 6 days before our little girls were born both weighing 1lb5oz and 12 in long. I thought the feeling would go away after that “They both had to make it , we had been through enough already right?” but it didn’t, it just deepened.
11 Days later our sweet daughter lost her fight for life and left us to be in heaven. The next days and weeks were the darkest of my life I was afraid to bond with our other daughter for fear of loosing her. Then I realized even with all the pain and sadness and despair and heartbreak I was feeling there was one feeling missing, the fear that I had been keeping in the deepest part of my heart since the day we found out we were pregnant was gone. It was gone, and from that moment on I knew our other daughter would be ok. Even if things went wrong I knew she would survive. In all the caos of my life at that moment, I took solace in knowing that.
Here we are almost 8 months later and our miracle baby is home, happy and thriving. There is definitely something to be said about a mothers intuition. I definitely believe.
Once again thank you so much for sharing your story, your amazing daughter is beautiful 🙂 I think I am definitely going to have to pick up that book and take a look at it myself.
The Kimmels says
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Kimmels says
Thank you so much for posting this. I can totally relate to your thoughts about intuition. We were pregnant with identical twin boys and our pregnancy was difficult from the start. People kept telling me “everything will be fine” but I just knew deep down in my heart that it wouldn’t be. As we set up the two cribs I had this feeling that we wouldn’t be bringing our twins home. Of course you can’t voice that to anyone or you are deemed a pessimist or just expecting the worse, so I kept it to myself. Our boys were born at 25 weeks and our son Carter died at birth. Our other son spent over 4 months in the NICU before coming home. I remember having the same feelings you talked about about just wanting them out while they were safe. Of course at 25 weeks being out isn’t any safer than being in. I can’t say how or why I knew we wouldn’t be coming home with our twins, but I do know that deep down, it was something i just knew. I hoped and prayed I was wrong, but it wasn’t so. Thank you for posting this.
Heather L says
Thank you so much for sharing! I’d love to hear even more of this amazing story! I too, had a similar intuition experience during my first (and only) pregnancy. From the start, I knew it wasn’t going to end well/happily, even though there was no reason to expect that. I didn’t allow myself to get attached and only bought 2 baby items (a set of sheets and a blanket). My aunt reminded my sister to schedule my baby shower early in the 3rd trimester…it’s almost as if she knew as well, that I would deliver early at 28 weeks…a little boy weighing 2lbs 1oz and measuring 12.5 inches. Even then, I didn’t feel that connection and was more scared of loving him than I was before. Jack spent 112 days in the NICU and came home on 24-hr O2 support and a feeding tube. Fast forward….Jack will be 2 in just a few days and is as happy as can be…and as healthy as possible (with help from his many specialists and therapists). (www.jackryansjourney.blogspot.com)
Anonymous says
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story and I am so happy that your little girl is such a fighter and doing so well. I, too, can be classified as a little “woo-hoo wacky” every once in a while, but I completely believe in the spiritual connections between mother and child. For me, it was my son’s thumbs-up at his 20 week ultrasound and then his emergency delivery at 32 weeks. He weighed only 2.5 pounds and was in the NICU for a month. From day one, he was a fighter and I kept reminding myself of his thumbs up sign he gave us on that ultrasound. Basically telling me, “Mommy, we’re going to have a rough start, but we’re going to be ok!” He’s turning a healthy 2 years old at the end of this month. It also is my connection with my own mother. About a month ago, I kept having this feeling of “waiting for the other shoe to drop”. I couldn’t shake it. For a week, I started having some pain in my right breast (chalked it up to hormones and it was gone before I could think of it again). Three weeks ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in her right breast which had spread to some lymph nodes. Mothers and children DO have a special bond that will never go away…some just listen to it more than others.
Ella says
Not crazy at all. Somehow I knew both my sons would be early- my first was a week early and I knew his face before I saw him. When I first saw him, my husband, my mom and I each independently thought he looked like a Benjamin. It wasn’t a name I was considering seriously, but it was decided. With my second son, I knew something wasn’t right all along, though the dr assured me I was ok, but my water broke at some pint between 22-23 weeks, but didn’t fully break til 24, when I really knew for sure. He was born at 25 weeks. The day I went into labor I knew, but the nurses didn’t believe me and the monitor didn’t register the contractions. When they finally checked me, I was 4 cm dilated and he was born 6 hours later. My mother had passed away 2 months before and she was there in my ear during labor. I heard her voice telling me I could get through it.
circadee.com says
Hi Carrie – thank you so much for sharing your story. Your daughter is beautiful! I really needed to read about a woman’s intuition today. It is as if meeting you yesterday was perfectly timed. Thanks for stopping in and introducing your blog to me. Everything happens for a reason…
Anonymous says
Carrie, like many others here … the tears are flowing. I believe a loving, caring, sensitive “mom” or “mom to be” has intuition that defies everything people believe in (with the exception of christians that have very close, personal relationships with God). Having a close personal relationship with God, I believe gives people a “seventh” sense that is a gift (even when it involves extreme pain). You aren’t crazy, but you did know that most docs and people would have thought you crazy at the time. I was pregnant 28 years ago, I had wanted a baby for years so bad (it was my constant prayer for years.) My husband didn’t (even tho he had said yes before we married). I was 26 when I woke that morning, I hadn’t missed any periods and was on birthcontrol … I wasn’t sick, but I felt this life growing in me. I fell to my knees and thanked God for my little girl (yes, I knew it was a girl). I had to move out, my husband insisted I have an abortion, I refused. I was four months pregnant that day. I went for my first doc appointment and ultrasound that week, he said baby looked great. I couldn’t look at the ultrasound, I had a sick feeling … something was wrong. I left crying, knowing I would lose my baby. Two days later I began bleeding, back to doc, another ultrasound … no problems except bleeding. Bed rest for the next month. During the next few weeks, I had a special connection with my daughter (Alexandria), I would hear “mommy, I hurt” “mommy, I love you” “mommy, I’m sorry” ……. I would talk to her and tell her how much I loved her, I would never leave her and that God would take care of her, when I lost her. Back then, you didn’t have a funeral (or get to see a miscarried baby prior to the first day of your fifth month. I lost her the night before my fifth month began. I almost died, they wouldn’t tell me if my baby was a he/she, but I knew. I never told anyone, my story … I know the “you are crazy” stories I’ve heard from others. I’m haunted and hurt that people don’t believe, but I am so blessed that God gave me my precious littl Angel for a brief time. My due date was October 27 (which is today). I ended up at your blog reading about Heinz vinegar and cleaning. Divine intervention. Each year when this week of October approaches, my heart hurts with pain that only someone that’s hurt that bad can understand. Each year, during this week of October, my little girl comes to me and comforts me. I chose to not have any children after losing her. I am so happy you have your precious Angels with you and thank you for sharing your story. My Angel Alexandria is with me tonight, my intuition tells me that … just as I feel that tiny hand brush across my face. May God always comfort your family and heal both the physical and emotional ailments. We weren’t all born to be healthy, you’re a special woman and God knew you would love your daughter unconditionally. Again, thank you for sharing your story, your pain, your happiness. Ms. Terry p.s. (My then husband had a vasectomy while I was in the hospital recovering the week I lost my daughter). I divorced him, he was so happy the baby didn’t live.
cassie says
you are strong, carrie, for going through it and for even telling her you were at peace if she had to leave, but clearly, she is stronger. 🙂 and she certainly is your miracle.
Carrie says
Thanks so much, Cassie. Those were the hardest words I ever had to say, but I wanted her to know it was okay and I’d see her again someday. Thankfully she didn’t listen. 😉
Stacy says
That was so beautiful. I believe every word. And I believe those type of miracles happen everyday. I am so happy you chose to share something so close to your heart with us. I know that it will touch someone that is struggling. That is why you were impressed to write it. Isn’t it amazing that we have a platform that we can use for good?
Carrie says
Thanks so much, Stacy! It was hard to put out it out there, but I hoped it would touch someone, somewhere. I know there are other families and moms who have gone through such a terrible experience and I want them to know they’re not alone. And yes, it’s wonderful to use this platform for good– I feel blessed to be able to do so!
cynthia says
wow, what a story; all women need to cultivate their intuition more seriously. it’s a difficult journey b/c it’s not usually something handed down from mother to daughter until later in life. any time you feel that “nagging little feeling,” listen. blessings always……but i guess that’s already occurred.
Carrie says
Thanks for your kind words! I’m definitely a fan of listening to your intuition after what we went through… it’s amazing how a ‘mother’s intution’ starts so early. Often we have answers inside our hearts, all it takes is some time and cultivation to listen to it through all the ‘noise’. 😉
Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker says
What a beautiful story! I sit here crying (being pregnant never helps 😉 and know that you are not crazy!
With my first, I knew it was a girl, but I didn’t really count on my own intuition yet. The second pregnancy, I knew it wasn’t right and wasn’t surprised when I lost it at 12 weeks due to low thyroid function (undiagnosed at the time). The third (another miscarriage) completely caught me off guard (also due to thyroid – 1 month after the other one). With the fourth (my youngest), I KNEW she was a girl and even argued with my midwife that we didn’t need to discuss circumcision because it wasn’t necessary :). With this one, I’m still waiting to find out what I will have — my intuition will let me know soon.
Carrie says
Jen, thank you for sharing your story and I’m so sorry to cause pregnancy tears. 😉 I also suffered pregnancy losses, and like you, knew they weren’t meant to be before it actually happened. I was shocked to carry my daughter to term, and look what happened. Somehow my body just knew something wasn’t right. I’m so thankful she survived, and is doing so amazingly well. Has your intuition told you if you are having a boy or a girl with this pregnancy? I can’t wait to hear!
Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker says
I’m thinking it’s a girl, but it’s more subtle, like with my first. With my second, there was NO doubt. This time it’s more of a quiet feeling. 4 months to go…
Carrie says
It’ll be such a fun surprise to see if your intuition panned out! Maybe some girls are quieter, so your feeling is quieter, too. 🙂
Jen @ Happy Little Homemaker says
Now THAT is an interesting hypothesis. My first daughter is very quiet and my second is, well, insane! I’ve always said that #2 is preparing me for the boy that must be coming next :). It’d be interesting to see if #3 is quiet like #1.
stacey stuwe says
Wow! I was brought to your blog by “The View Along The Way” and No, I don’t think you’re crazy at all! I’ve had a few “you just can’t quite put your finger on,” experiences myself, I’m convinced it is what i call “A God Thing.” I believe their are just some “things” we just can’t explain.
Your newest fan!
~Keep Looking Up, Stacey
Carrie says
Stacey, thanks for visiting and for not thinking I’m crazy. 😉 It’s true about the unexplainable, there are some things just too awe inspiring to explain that must be ‘God things!’
Rhonda says
Your daughter’s story sounds so much like mine. My baby girl was taken by c-section when I was 28 weeks pregnant and weighted 2lbs. 6oz., there was a blood clot in the umbilical cord and I did tell them they needed to take her when they did. She is now a beautiful 17 year old with no health problems what so ever. We were very blessed. Thanks for sharing your story.
Carrie says
Rhonda, that gives me so much hope! Our baby girls are miracles for sure, and I can only pray my daughter continues her amazing recovery like your daughter did! Thanks so much for sharing your story.
Natalie @ A Turtle's Life for Me says
Oh, Carrie! You almost had me in tears at that Eat ‘n Park in Atlanta when you were telling me about your daughter, but I didn’t even realize all of this! Now you have me in tears again! You have such a beautiful way of writing that really connects with me. I’m so thankful your daughter fought!
cheri says
tissues P L E A S E!!!
roostersmom says
I too had a rough delivery with many scary bits but my little roosters turns 14 next month. God has plans for us all and the road is never as we plan it to be. Your story will be with me today as a reminder of gratitude. Thanks for sharing.
Carrie says
What a blessing your little roosters are doing well! And how amazing, 14 years old! Time certainly eases our wounds but for those of us with scary deliveries they aren’t always fully healed– which can be a blessing, as you said, it’s a reminder of what we’re grateful for. 🙂
Kristen says
Hey Carrie:
I just came across this on your site and had to read it. Even though I know the story or her birth and remember all your day-to-day posts years back, this was an amazing story to hear. I truly can’t get over her original prognosis and what she went through and overcame. What a blessing she is!
-Kristen
Amanda says
Wow.
First I echo what everyone else said, your daughter really is beautiful. Those blue eyes!
I have a little Abby too, also blue eyed 🙂
I completely understand the intuition thing. I don’t think it’s loopy at all. It is special and wonderful though. I knew I was pregnant and before long I knew she was a girl. She was my honeymoon baby so were had not been trying to get pregnant but I knew (I KNEW) I was pregnant. I even left Church between services to run to the drug store to get a test. Confirmed it right there in the Church bathroom! Lol. (see that would be the definition of “loopy”)
I also knew with my second one that he was a boy. And such a sweet boy too. 🙂 It is truly special.
I love how you give so much credit to your husband. So many these days dismiss or even criticize their men so much. It’s refreshing to see the opposite. There are good men out there. I know. I found one. 🙂
Thanks!
Amanda
Carrie says
Thanks for your thoughtful reply and letting me know I’m not loopy! I think moms can possess a strong intuition, for whatever reason… and it helps having people who understand that feeling. As for my husband, he was a true partner. I thank God everyday that my kids have such an amazing dad, and that I’ve found such an incredible man to be by my side!
Jeanne Marie says
“Magic” is how I describe it when I first met my husband. I sat next to him at a restaurant for the first time during a group outing. Although I barely knew him and we hadn’t even been on a date, I knew at that moment that sitting next to him was where I was supposed to be. We celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary yesterday.
It was “intuition” when I could tell something wasn’t right with my second pregnancy. It just didn’t feel joyous the way the first one had. I wasn’t excited; I was nervous. The “confirming” ultrasound confirmed an empty gestational sack. I told my husband that I had known all along that something wasn’t right, but it didn’t make me any less heartbroken. My mother-in-law had died the week before. She loved children and only had one grandchild (our daughter) before she passed, so I’m sure that child went to be with her. Very soon after, we got pregnant with my son. He’s the one we were supposed to have to round out our family.
I’m not remotely religious. I’m fairly pragmatic, but I know this kind of inexplicable intuition is real. Particularly with pregnancies. And you do, too. And because you shared, you have validated a lot of people who were probably dismissed by health care professionals and others. There is a lot in this world that science cannot — and probably will never be able to — explain. You’ve done an amazing thing by sharing your story. Thank you.
Carrie says
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s cathartic to feel validated as well, it’s a sticky thing to put out on the internet but I truly believe sometimes we just ‘know’ when we shouldn’t know. Meeting my husband happened the same way… I knew before we even saw each other that something would happen. We first met in college and I always adored him, and when we reconnected at a chance meeting years late we both just KNEW. We can’t explain these things, and I’m actually kind of glad because it means there’s so much mystery and wonder still left in the world!
Angie@SlipcoveredGrey says
Carrie! I was reading your Haven 2013 recap and haven’t gotten past number one. I am so glad you shared your story and linked back so I could read it. Little Abby is adorable. Your intuition was spot on – you were connected with her from the very beginning. God works his magic every day, maybe that was his way of saying, “Everything will be okay.” You filled my heart with joy today, thank you!
Carrie Higgins says
Thanks for reading my story, I’m so happy it touched your heart! She and I still have an amazing connection; it’s funny, I’ll often wake up and a minute later will hear her on the monitor after a bad dream or needing me. It’s crazy how that works! Thanks for your comment, it always fills me with joy when someone is touched by Abby’s story! And I know I’ve already said this but I’m so looking forward to another Haven so you and I can really catch up. 😉
kristin says
What an amazing story! It really shows how a mother just knows, we can’t explain, we just know. Others might think we are crazy only we know we are not. I am so glad you and your baby are well today, god really works miracles! I do have a story like this with my firstborn although like you need to find the words. With Grayson my youngest having Kawasaki 5 months ago and every doctor not listening to me, trying to just put him on antibiotics and shoo him out the door i didn’t give up, I knew something was not right. 4 visits later to the ER someone actually took me seriously when he had a temp of 107 and it saved his life 🙂
Lots of love to you!
Kristin
Carrie Higgins says
Moms often just ‘know!’ I’m so thankful the ER took you seriously and you were able to save your sweet Grayson. I hope he’s doing better, I know that Kawasaki is not easy and it’s such a blessing you all caught it in time. XO to you!
Amanda says
Thanks for posting this. I am a mother of two, also, and I have learned over the past 4 years that the only voice that I need to listen to as a mother is my own intuition. Period. You were and are spot on, and I think it’s a very important message that all mothers need to hear. Thank you!
Jenn says
The story of your little girl and her journey is amazing and beautiful. I’m so happy for you that she is a fighter. There is nothing like a little one to keep you on your toes. Your experience with intuition struck a chord with me. Back in November of ’96 I discovered that I was expecting my 1st child. This was not planned but I was somehow not surprised. Although we were excited we kept the news to ourselves. Around this same time one of my sisters was not speaking to my father (his fault). With complete clarity just before Christmas I declared to her that she needed to work things out with him because this would be the last Christmas we would have with him. Of course she thought I was crazy (he was only 49 at the time) but made amends. The New Year began with lots snow and ice. On one of these snowy days my Dad fell and hurt his back, nothing major but I just knew this was the beginning of the end for him. His back pain was worse and he became jaundiced. By this time my sister ‘knew’ too. By March I was in my 5th month of pregnancy but it was still a secret that I held dear. I was not yet showing and felt no fetal movement. At this point the the doctors for my father had determined he a blockage of some sort and would need surgery to determine what if anything could be done. In April I still felt no fetal movement, I was seeing a high risk doctor and my father was diagnosed with Terminal Pancreatic cancer. He was given 3-6 months to live. My world was rocked. The irony was not lost on me. My father may not live to see my 1st child born. In May the chemotherapy began and we finally shared the news of my pregnancy. I was still not gaining weight and still felt no movement. Weekly ultrasounds were coordinated with my dad’s chemo treatments. By June, I had been spending most nights staying at my dad’s house. We watched Judge Judy, Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. We made plans for the future, a future we both knew would never happen. Father’s Day was approaching and it was more than evident that the end was near. On June 17, 1997 my father lost his fight. What was most strange for me was that the moment he passed I gad an immediate disconnect with his body. My sisters spent hours with him while I went home. At the calling hours & funeral I separated myself emotionally. To me, his body was just the shell that housed my father. The dad I always knew and loved was now in my heart. I gain nothing visiting the cemetery where he is buried because to me he is not there but in my heart.
Fast forward to 3 days after the funeral. I had my weekly ultrasound appointment. My doctor decided it best to schedule an induction in the next 10 days due to lack of nourishment to the baby, the umbilical cord was failing. I was admitted to the hospital (the same hospital my dad had been in) on July 3 with the expectation of delivery in the next 24 hours. We were anticipating a tiny baby even though my due date was only 17 days away. Friday the 4th of July was filled with the hustle and bustle one would expect. As day moved into early evening my doctor declared that it was time. It was so peaceful and just felt right. I was so calm. The tv was on, Judge Judy was finishing up and all contractions stopped. The mood was changing but I was still calm. Wheel of Fortune was now on and the room was filling with a sense of panic. I was being pumped with pitocin and there was talk of a c-section to which I confidently announced “Just wait, the baby will be born during Jeopardy so I know that my dad is here”. Jeopardy was the favorite of the 3 shows we watched while he was sick. I got a lot of crazy stares, but I knew. Jeopardy returned from it’s first commercial break. I remember simultaneously hearing “I’m Alex Trebak and this is Jeopardy” & feeling something. Without pushing my little girl arrived with my dad by my side. It was a 4th if July like no other. We were in Boston, so my husband pushed my bed next to the window put the ‘Pops’ on the tv so our ‘unexpected’ family could watch the fireworks. It was during the grand finale that I knew I would always miss my Dad but that somehow this unexpected girl was meant to be. She would be my little firecracker to get me through.
Carrie Higgins says
Whew, your story gives me such goosebumps. We watched the fireworks from our hospital room too, I can’t see them without thinking of my daughter. Thank God for our ‘firecrackers’ and miracles that allow us to connect with departed loved ones. What an amazing connection with your father!
Nancy Carr says
Carrie, I came over from Karah’s blog and now am following you, too. I love your writing about your precious child. I listen to my intuition and believe that is our connection to God’s infinite knowledge. You are so blessed and you are a blessing. Thank you.
Carrie Higgins says
Nancy, thank you for stopping over! Karah has a great blog, doesn’t she? I adore her. It’s people like you who make getting my words out worthwhile, and I appreciate that Abby’s story touched you enough to take the time to comment. Thanks for your kind, sweet words.
Rachel Gonzalez says
Thank you for sharing your story. It brought back so many memories of my own little miracle. I was pregnant with twins and was given only a 5% chance of carrying twin A to term. I ended up delivering at 28 wks 4 days after being in the hospital for a month after my water broke. The chaplin came to get me from my room the morning after the twins were born, there was an emergency baptism, so many beeps from machines, they told me that twin A probably would not come home. He did come home, a week later he stopped breathing in arms, he ended up back in the hospital, he’s had many many complications My twins will be 8 in two months, which is amazing to me. My little miracle is sweet and stubborn. Although he can frustrate me to no end I still sneak into his room at night snuggle him while he’s sleeping and thank God for him
Carrie Higgins says
This really and truly touched my heart. I’m thankful the twins are doing so well, and I’m convinced with my own daughter that the sweetness and stubborness is what got her here today. That’s what I tell myself when I get frustrated, anyways. Such a sweet story, thank you sincerely for taking the time to share it!
Lisa Deerman says
I have my own story. He’s 6 foot 5 inches and 17 years old now! So hard to imagine. A straight A student except . . . Spanish. All of a sudden I could careless he’s making a C in Spanish. During the meeting at school today it was sooooo important. Not anymore. He’s almost an Eagle Scout. And to think 17 years ago he almost didn’t make it.
Thanks for putting things into perspective. Thanks for the “jolt”.
Blessings!!
Alicia says
You. You are amazing. I’ve always believed in a mother’s intuition, and have experienced it myself many times- but nothing like this. And your words are so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story- It is so moving, and I can’t wait to keep up with you and precious Abby!
Carrie Higgins says
I think every mom needs to hear they are amazing– you just made my day! So RIGHT BACK ‘ATCHA– you are amazing too! Thanks for reading and connecting with our story, it means the world to us.
Kristin @ The O.C.D. Life says
I have no idea how I found your blog, but I am so glad I did. What a beautiful story that was very well written. I write this message with tears rolling down my face. I found myself cheering on your sweet baby girl the whole way. What a fighter and miracle baby you have right there. And, she is beautiful too. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You have definitely touched my life! Xoxo – Kristin
Carrie Higgins says
Kristin, I’m so glad you found my blog too and that Abby’s story touched your heart! It was the worst year of our lives, and while I can’t say I’m glad it happened I can say we’ve learned so much and our sweet girl has come SO far. Thanks for connecting and commenting. It means the world to me!!
Amy says
My 2nd son has a heart defect, hypoplastic left heart syndrome, and i felt like something wasn’t right from the day I pee’d on the stick (tmi, I know). My hub thought I was unreasonable, even when I got the call from the obgyn that I needed a level 2 ultrasound, he still thought I was being unnecessarily paranoid. Unfortunately, my uneasy feeling was there for a reason.
He is 14 now, 4 surgeries and lots of hospital stays behind him, amazingly healthy, all things considered. I still don’t divulge the concerns I had when I was pregnant w him to anyone. I don’t think many would understand if they weren’t in our “club.” 🙂
Carrie Higgins says
Sometimes I think people will assume I’m nuts when I share my story but mamas DO have intuition and it’s amazing when we “know” things just like in your story!! It’s a special club for sure– so glad your son is doing well know. Incredible story!
MJ Fitzgerald says
A woman should never doubt her intuition. When my husband and I got married 35 yrs. ago, we were told within a year we would never have any children. The devastation was unbelievable. But something told me to tell that doctor he wasn’t God, just arrogant. That statement came back to be true and changed him forever. Mostly I said it because of the arrogance, and the cold blooded way he said it. And my faith in God. Today we have 3 adult children. 2 men, and as everyone said when she was born the icing on our cake our daughter. Were they all born without problems. Definitely not. Our oldest suffers from JRA. Our middle was born with eye problems corrected by surgery, for us no big deal after all we went through with the first. The “boys” are 6 plus years apart. Our daughter and the middle were suppose to be almost 6 yrs. apart, but aren’t as I am sure you realize she was born premature. I was in my late 30’s which was still old to have a baby back then. But I had eclampsia, and 2 strokes, she was born 8 wks. premature, 5 wks. in NICU. In 11 days she will be 20. To look at she, and our oldest look like nothing is wrong, but the opposite is true. Everyday is a blessing. They work, the oldest has been around the world not once but twice, both times through China (a dream for him). Straight out of high school she went to work for Disney, now she will be going to college in August. Have I said how much pride we have in them, and how blessed we are. And oh yeah despite the warnings about educational delays! She graduated on time, and in the top 10 percent nationwide, and was in the gifted program from the first semester of kindergarten. Never underestimate the power of a mother’s faith, or intuition. Wonderful life lesson from you, and you have a very beautiful little girl. She will wow the world.
Carrie Higgins says
Such an amazing story, thanks for sharing it with me!
Shannon says
I just found you from Pinterest. What an amazing story. I totally get this post. My son has down syndrome. Even before I was married, I had this weird fascination with people with down syndrome and just knew that someday I would have a child with down syndrome. When I was pregnant with him (before I knew he had down syndrome), I would go to the library with my other kids and every time I went I would grab the children’s book We’ll Paint The Octopus Red. It’s a book about parents having a child with down syndrome and talking to the sibling about it. This book was always in a different spot in the library but I found it at least three times. I knew something was wrong with him as soon as I took the pregnancy test. He had a heart defect that had to be repaired at 3 months. He’s a very active eight year old now but I always trust my mother’s intuition…it’s almost never wrong. Thanks for sharing your story!
Carrie Higgins says
Shannon, thanks so much for sharing your story. It makes me feel way less crazy to hear that others have been in the same situation and “knew” things before they should “actually” know. It’s amazing to hear about signs that are put in our path, like the Octopus book you mentioned! The book I mentioned in the post, Expecting Adam, really hit home in that way. I’m so happy to know your son is doing well despite the hurdles with his heart and health. Such a blessing. Thanks for making my day by sharing your heart with me!
Sherry says
Carrie,
I have never read your story and took the time tonight to do so. Thank you for sharing. I think for you to open and share raw is hard and as a generally craft/food blogger we tend to stay on the Happy side of life and so when we do go personal it is amazing.. like this post. I too have had difficult births cant carry a baby term, I have not written about it because I was angry and sad towards the lack of family support or celebration of my child. I don’t know if i even can write/ or hit publish about it, there are many drafts in my draft post. So I applaud you for doing so.
BTW My cousin has Retts so I understand the connection with the special girl, and how they are a gift for as long as we have them.
Carrie Higgins says
Sherry, thanks so much for taking the time to share that with me. It took years before I was able to write about it on my blog, and tons of courage to hit ‘publish’. When you’re ready, it feels great to get so much online support. I hear the most amazing stories and get incredible emails just because of this one post! Retts is such a sad disease, but Caela really touched the world while she was here. An unforgettable gift to us all. XO.
Becky says
Beautiful story, beautiful daughter. I absolutely believe in intuition (i.e., God’s voice urging me to listen) and have only regretted the times I haven’t paid attention to it. It is hard, because as a mom I am a worrier and sometimes those false, useless worries pose themselves as intuition and then it all gets muddled. You know Oprah would say, ” Child, trust your intutition–listen to that inner voice, it is the universe trying to tell you something.”
Your sweet baby pictures remind me of my son’s, who was born with and died from a rare heart deffect. I think I was too optomistic to hear any intuitive voices through my pregnancy and I just knew he was going to be okay. Sadly, that was not true, but I am still thankful and grateful for having him and for having gone through what we did.
Thank you for sharing your story, hugs!
Becky
Jacquie S says
Loved this Carrie! & as always Abby never ceases to amaze me! I am forever grateful that I got to be a part of her life. Abby has taught so many people about the power of miracles. Abby truly made me believe.
A mothers intuition is a powerful thing. When I was pregnant with Drew I asked for a c section at every appointment and was told there was no reason I’d be fine & I brushed it off to my crazy Nicu nurse thoughts. I drove my husband crazy telling him I wanted a c section, I knew something was going to go wrong. Drew was born via emergency c section after they lost fetal heart tones, he was also meconium. His heart rate was back by the time I got in the OR and they said he was “recovering inutero” which is something that might make others feel better but not me! I had half the DR staff in my room turning me every which way & throwing me on oxygen masks, there was no way I was going to feel comfortable at that point. Thankfully he came out crying, we were so lucky. My sister was at the delivery since she’s a Nicu nurse at that hospital & still talks about how he gave her grey hair. The nurse widwife who I had told many times about my c section request & worries saw me two days later and said you knew months ago this was going to happen, we talked about this so many times. It sounds crazy but I knew.
Shanna Gilbert says
Every year my aunt brings me over a gift on my exact birth date. Last year she came over a week early and said that she just felt like she needed to deliver it to me early. A week later she was killed in a car wreck on my birthday. I think she sensed that something was coming. God sends you little messages, you just have to be paying attention to hear them. I’m so glad that your beautiful daughter is doing well and she is where she is today because her mommy is a fighter as well.
Donna Golding says
Wow, I am very honoured that you chose to share your story with us. I believe, that GOD singled you and your husband out to have this amazing baby girl. You and Abby became as one the moment you knew you were pregnant. To me, when you conceive, at that moment, you are a MOMMY and she is your BABY. no one can tell me that when knowing you are carrying such a precious life, you become in tune with that little one. Only YOU know how you are feeling with her inside you, That is why I think GOD gave your DAUGHTER to YOU. He knew once he gave her to you, you would look out for her. If she was given to someone else, they would not have known something was wrong, they would not have been so diligent in researching medical information, or wanting and knowing your child has to be born into this world so she could start bring cared for. She is indeed your MIRACLE, but it took the MIRACLE of GOD giving her to YOU, to ensure that your DAUGHTER would be with you throughout her infancy, childhood, teen years, to watching her dance with her DADDY at her wedding and for her to smile as she watches you hold your first GRANDCHILD. Because of your great love for her, ALL of these milestones will be achieved. People who do not have FAITH, who do not believe in A HIGHER POWER, will not understand the MIRACLE of YOUR ABBY……. GOD PLACED HER, JUST WHERE SHE SHOULD BE!!!
Beth@Unskinny Boppy says
Amazing. I am so honored to have heard this story poolside with you in Anna Maria, but reading it again just gives me chills. What a special, blessed little girl you have.
I have an intuitive pregnancy story, as well. Nothing as heartwrenching as this, but like you, I’ve never blogged about it. Maybe I will get around to it soon, now that my son is six! 🙂
Here is the short version: After two years of trying to conceive we finally got some assistance from the fertility clinic. When you take Clomid they do lots of ultrasounds of your ovaries to monitor them closely for follicles so that hopefully you don’t turn out like Kate plus 8. I had an IUI, so they did yet another ultrasound immediately afterwards. The nurse goes “Oh look! One of your follicles is releasing an egg right now!” Sure enough, we saw on the screen the tiny half-deflated follicle on my ovary. And immediately I knew I was seeing my future child on the screen in front of me, before he was even a zygote. Just a tiny egg going to meet his destiny in my womb. And like you, I knew immediately he would be a boy. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever witnessed, but I will never forget that feeling of just KNOWING. I’m so thankful for this wonderful miracle child of mine. And yours.
I am blessed. You are blessed. Thank you for sharing your story, sweet friend.
Shannon @ Fox Hollow Cottage says
Nope. Not at all. I think we so often DO know… but don’t know what to do with it? Blessings on your sweet Abby and your family.
Brittany aka Pretty Handy Girl says
Thank you for sharing your intuition tale. I know for certain that there are many things in this world that are unexplainable and yet, that doesn’t make them real. Hugs to you and hope we get to share a drink again sometime soon ;-).
Michele says
I am just getting a chance to read this post I stumbled upon. I immediately felt a connection to your story about that pregnancy intuition. I am so glad someone else experienced this. When I was pregnant with my first child I had the weirdest dreams. Everyone told me they were just pregnancy dreams but it was ever so much more than that. There was always a cat with its tummy missing. Nothing gory just like a big black hole where the stomach should be. I knew in my heart that was something was wrong with my child at that was the area. At my 16 week ultrasound, it was discovered that the baby had gastroschisis- an birth defect that leaves loops of bowel exposed from the abdomen. I was terrified and overwhelmed because I had expected this news and that in itself was scary. He is today, a happy, healthy, amazing, 13 year old young man and he and I still share a very neat connection.
Carrie Higgins says
I love hearing stories like this, thank you for sharing! Makes me feel so connected to other mothers, and it fills my heart with happiness to hear about kids that have gone through special circumstances and come out on the other side.
Julie McLean Dever says
Don’t doubt it one bit….spiritual things are not hocus pocus…..they are real….just (as my daughter would say as a child) imbizable!
I remember the day I clearly heard the voice of my deceased mother saying “The baby is going to fall down the steps”…..seconds before I caught her just in time! The steps to our newly built home’s basement had nothing to stop a baby’s tumble to the concrete floor below! Never trust a crawler!
Carrie Higgins says
That just gave me chills! Thanks for sharing your story, and whew, what a catch.
Jo Banks says
I’m mummy to a gorgeous 6 yr old boy Conor. Did 6 months 2 days in Nicu with him. 7 operations later I got him home. He was born naturally at 24 wks, the placenta was damaged he was 640gms in weight. I loved your story and yes I totally believe the babies communicate to us. I prayed, held his little hand and believe we willed each other on during that awful time. We remain attached now and he fills me with love daily.
Carrie Higgins says
Thank you for sharing about Conor. My daughter is now 6 years old too. There’s an extra special connection between kiddos and mamas that have gone through such a terrible time. LOVE! <3
Shari says
Your little girl is beautiful. And I believe it was the Holy Spirit telling you the truth (He does that you know) and preparing you, guiding you and comforting you. But the Lord stood with me and gave me strength….2 Timothy 4:17
Darris says
My son is now 18 years-old and healthy. I never went through your experience with pregnancy concerns and post delivery trauma. I cannot imagine. Reading what you went through fills me with empathy. I’m so happy to see Abby is a healthy beautiful child today!
We all have the capability to understand our bodies and our surroundings in nature as well but we’re disconnected. We’ve chosen to ‘hand over’ our health, the health of our children and of our planet to others with ‘professional’ training. I will not go into the many experiences I’ve had in my 59 years of knowing something is off and because I’m not a scientist or a doctor, my data was ignored . . . until a ‘professional’ announced the issue valid . . . in one instance a few years later when there was nothing they could do . . . it had gone on far too long.
I’m many cultures around the world it is the elders who have spent time in nature everyday who are revered as the ‘wise ones’, the medicine men/women. Not in the U.S. . . and as we ignore our intuition our world gets sicker and sicker.
Thank you for posting about your experience Carrie. Hopefully it will help others to follow their ‘gut’, speak up and demand to be heard . . .
Heather says
Oh my gracious! I should have grabbed the tissues. You are not crazy at all. You’re a mama. I am so glad you both beat the odds and you’re now blessed with this gorgeous little princess. Thank you for sharing with all of us.
Maria Alison @ Ten at the Table says
I just cried the whole time I read this! My heart hurt so bad, but then I was really, REALLY happy she lived to be the most beautiful little girl I have EVER seen! Thank you for sharing this. God bless you!
Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, MCC, SCAC says
BEAUTIFUL child and beautiful post! (found you thru Pinterest, btw) As far as a belief in intuition, I’m with Shakespeare: “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” – Hamlet
You may not be aware that DNA gets “remixed,” not just transferred, during pregnancy. (Science has found *male* “brain cells” in mothers scanned post natal – which may eventually explain the experience beyond “the woo-woo fringe” mentioned by many mothers.)
Excuse the long comment – and the fact that I am reusing content left in a comment to one of your followers, but I want to extend an invitation to my blog to YOU, for reasons that will soon become obvious.
As your child grows, if you need some help with (or understanding of) the cognitive challenges facing her, please check out ADDandSoMuchMORE — and begin by using the site search box in the header to search for “ABOUT The ADD Lens™” and/or “Alphabet City” (linked above as “website”)
My non-commercial WordPress.com blog supports the entire spectrum of the (invisible to others yet frustrating to manage) Executive Functioning Disorders — all of which have attentional elements to manage. (Details in the posts referenced, so I won’t repeat them here.)
I write on a variety of topics from a variety of perspectives – solidly on the side of those dealing with “invisible” disabilities of all types (tho’ I will admit I can be a bit harsh speaking to caregivers who don’t!! )
Since the blog is Evergreen, many of the older posts contain foundational information I reference through links on newer content – so be sure to follow them while you are new. Sometimes the comments below the posts themselve (and my responses) add content as well.
My followers include people with diagnostic ADD *and* without – as well as parents of children “on the ‘Attentional’ spectrum” – who comment that they find it useful. I hope you will as well – and that you will spread the word to your community that this free resource exists.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
– ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
“It takes a village to educate a world!”
Kathy says
I’ve just tonight discovered your blog (via Pinterest). What an amazing, beautiful story that you have shared. Your daughter is beautiful! Blessings always!
Judi Johnson says
No you are not crazy. On my last pregnancy I had a weird pain on my right side just below my ribs. I was neighbor to a L & D nurse and she didn’t understand what it could be. I never told my Dr. When my son was born he came in 44 minutes. But it took over three hours to get the placenta out. They tugged, kneaded, tugged, kneaded. Then came the hands. From the way they went in and where I felt them tug I knew it was the spot that had been hurting me. I really believe the placenta was attaching at that spot. Maybe if I had told the Dr. something could of been done. My son was 10#15oz. I tore, hemoraged, and almost died. Had to have 2 pints of blood just to get out of the hospital. Took me months to get my strength back. God sends us messages, we just need to listen and pass the message on. I am glad I found you and will subscribe just so I can learn more about your daughter.
Hollie says
I wept reading your story. So powerful!
Please don’t abandon God. He did answer your first-ever out-loud prayer. He answers mine too, even when they’re dumb things like “help me get new snow tires” and nothing to do with life and death. Thank you for sharing the outpouring of love. I love you. xoxo
Megan says
I am so happy that I found your Blog. I’ve just spent hours (wide awake on coffee) laying in bed going through your posts.. I sit here reading this post, tears streaming; feeling that with each line and each post you become more than just another “blogger” – you become my friend. <3
Carrie Higgins says
That means the world to me. I’ve met so many wonderful people by sharing our story and I’m so happy to add you as a friend. Thanks for sharing your heart. <3
Ana says
I dicovered your blog yesterday and loved it. Your daughter is really beautiful and such a fighter! Thank you for sharing your story.
I do believe in intuition altough I never trust it and follow it. Wish I did!
Around four years ago my father had to move to another state (about 5-6 hours drive) and so we would only see each other every 3 or 4 months when he had to come here for business. As my husband and I are always so busy with work and other things it was really hard to go visit him. It had to be planned ahead to get a few days off work and a good deal on plane tickets. So we usually stayed here just waiting for his next visit, even tough he was always inviting us to spend some time there.
Last june, near a long weekend my father made the invitation again and this time I decided to go no matter what. Since it was too close to get a plane ticket, we faced the long drive anyway. It was great and by the end of the trip, as we said our goodbyes I felt so sad I wanted to cry.
I remember being on the road back home thinking how silly I was, since my new niece was about to be born in a few months and for sure my father would come to meet his granddaughter and visit us all.
The truth is I got to see my father one more time as he came to town for a meeting, but that day I didn’t want to say goodbye either. If only I new it was the last time, if only I had paid attention to that feeling I was having every time I saw or talked to him.
My father had a heart attack out of nowhere two months after that trip and unfortunately he couldn’t meet my brother’s beautiful girl, she was born two weeks after he passed.
I never talked about those feelings with anyone, not at that time and not now. I think people would think I’m silly for considering those things as warnings or something like that.
Carrie Higgins says
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your loss; there really is no way to predict the future, and I sure am glad you got to see your father a few times before he passed away. Intuition often only makes sense in hindsight, truly. Sending hugs.
Kim says
Dear Carrie,
Your words have brought back so many vivid memories of my own daughters birth. I too had very vivid images of my daughter before she was born. I knew exactly what she looked like. My first pregnancy ended at 20 weeks but my son did not take a breath when he entered this world. I cry sweet tears for him when I think that God is caring for him and not me. He would be 34 if he was with us. I went into labour at 20 weeks and he was born shortly thereafter. I started labour at the same time with my daughter and they were able to stop the process at the hospital and I was allowed to go home. My daughter was born at 25 weeks, she weighed 1lb. 12 oz. and her eyes were closed. I only touched her foot before they took her to another hospital to care for her. I prayed so hard. She was hooked up to a ventilator and numerous tubes and monitors. I spent almost everyday at the hospital sitting at her incubator praying and talking to her. The day her eyes opened was amazing. I knew when I saw into her eyes that God was caring for her. She was in the hospital for 6 months before I took her home. She is 33 now. She is a miracle. Miracles do happen. Children are miracles.
Carrie Higgins says
Thank you so much for sharing your heart with me! That is an AMAZING story, especially for a 25 week old baby 33 years ago. The feeling of seeing your child’s eyes for the first time is unforgettable. I didn’t know my daughter’s eye color until she was over a week old. Still gives me chills to think of that day when she first opened her eyes. Someone commented on this post once that our special kids had gone up to heaven and been kissed by God and sent back. I think that’s the perfect description for what our daughters have been through. Hugs to you!
Cheryl Fillers says
Wow what a VERY moving EMOTIONAL Baby LOVE story this brought lots and lots of tears to my face. happy tears it turned out …Your daughter is so Beautiful.. Thanks for sharing your story with us. How r u all and Abby doing today almost 4 yrs ago not sure thodate this happened .. Wishing you all the best in the coming new yr Dec,2014 -2015. Cheryl In Tennessee
Ashley says
Thank you so much for sharing this story. It takes alot of strength to be able to admit some of these things and most of us never have. Unlike you I did tell my Dr. something was wrong. I was already considered “high risk” and the Dr. just seemed to think I was crazy. I ended up attempting to switch Dr’s and had just went in to fill out paperwork when they decided that I looked swollen and took my blood pressure and do a quick ultrasound. After that I was rushed to the hospital and my son was born at 30 weeks weighing only 2lbs. I too had vivid dreams and an unexplainable feeling that things would not be normal. It’s really a shame that Drs don’t listen to a mothers intuition more often. Luckily for me 9 years later my son only has few problems and was able to survive. Had I not switched Dr’s that day they said that within 30 minutes my son would have died and possibly me too. I think mothers that are pregnant with special children really do have a stronger intuition than most 🙂
Carrie Higgins says
That is amazing. I had switched doctors too in the middle of my pregnancy because I felt something was ‘off’ with the first doctor, and in my heart I know the hospital I switched to saved our lives! Thanks for sharing your powerful story, so glad you both are doing well.
Ali says
Thank you for sharing your amazing story. Your daughter was a darling baby and is a lovely little girl! I think God works in amazing ways to create a bond between mother and child. During my second pregnancy I felt very disconnected from my son. I thought (to the point of buying matching Easter dresses) that I was having another little girl and although I wasn’t overtly sad about having a boy, being so off about the gender made me feel sort of disconnected from him.
At 33 weeks I started having symptoms of a UTI (an issue I had with both pregnancies) and went into L&D for a check up. Soon after I got there all my symptoms were gone but the non-stress test found that my son’s heart was beating twice as fast as it should have. In one tiny moment my whole world changed and suddenly I felt desperately close to my little boy.
After that moment, I felt like my intuition kicked in. I was admitted to the hospital for almost all of the rest of my pregnancy and every time the doctors told us we would probably be going home from both the antepartum unit and the NICU, I knew that we wouldn’t, and each time something went wrong and we had to stay a few more days. I also vividly remember my son spitting up in the NICU in front of a nurse. (Not that unusual since he spit up every feeding), but something about this incidence prompted me to talk to the nurse. She said, “Well it was a little yellow, we’ll keep our eye on it.” I remember googling yellow spit up and learning about intestinal issues and surgery (totally random because our son had a heart problem). Nothing came of it during the NICU stay, but 3 months later during an unrelated swallow study they learned what I already had a gut feeling (lovely pun!) about. He had congenital intestinal malrotation and needed open abdominal surgery. This has happened a few times since about other health issues, however my son is now healthy and strong and will be 4 in October.
Cindy says
Wow…as I sit here sifting through all these positive responses, I certainly hope that you gave up the notion that you’ve lost your marbles. What a wonderful story, and a beautiful child of God you have:)
Intuition is an amazing gift that God gives all of us, and the key is learning how to “listen” to it- and it sounds like your doing a fantastic job at listening:)
I feel completely blessed to have come across this blog through Pinterest, and would like to say thank you for sharing such a beautiful & inspiring story:) May God bless you and your family always!
Barbara says
That was a beautiful heartfelt story (and a true one) that you have wrote to us who read the love your blog. I am so glad that you did write this because you may have helped countless other mom’s-to-be to speak out about their own intuition feelings. I know from first hand about such feelings. I am so glad that your little one is with you today and your family is truly blessed.
Megan Kant says
I stumbled upon your blog wondering about intution and pregnancy as I had sworn to my husband that I knew the second my son (now 8 months) was conceived…..
This was the first post that I read and I was so happy to get to the end and find out that your sweet girl made it through!!!! I was seriously in tears with joy that she is still with you.
Mothers intuition is no joke; so glad you wrote about it <3
Marina says
Such a touching story; I know what signs are, I had a similar experience but – after a 24 weeks’ pregnancy and 40 days in incubator, my little angel Monica didn’t make it (and I knew it from the very beginning)
I was never able to get pregnant once again
An embrace and love from Italy
Debbi says
I believe…..
Tara Lynn says
My last granddaughter was born at 41 weeks and she suffered meconium aspiration. Which I had never heard of before. She was airlifted to Children’s Hosp. by Barnes in St. Louis MO. My daughter-in-law also has a C-section and the doctor wasted over 6 hours after they got to the hosp. and told them the baby hadn’t moved since midnight. She spent 14 days in the NICU and we will forever be thankful for the people in the NICU. Our little EB is doing really well. She is ahead of hte game in intelligence testing, but was slow in physical. She is almost 20 months old now, and is a pistol. Her left side took a hit, she has had PT since she came home. She dragged her left leg and arm, but PT worked on it and she is doing well. But when she falls asleep and I have her to myself, all I can think of is looking sat her down in the little isolate in the NICU and I thank God for her. I squeeze her a little more…BTW she was cooled for 72 hours, down to 92` I believe, then it took 24 hours to warm her back up before we could hold her. It was a killer. But we are very thankful for our little miracle as well.
Gabby says
Oh my goodness! I actually found your book on Amazon and thought it would be fun to giveaway for my monthly blog giveaway. I just popped over when I realized that you also have a blog and found this story. Wow just wow. I am so happy to hear that your sweet miracle pulled through. Goosebumps over here! Thank you for sharing your heart.
Carrie Higgins says
Thank you so much for sharing my book with your readers and your sweet comment. It means the world to me!
Colin's Mom says
I’m a little confused why people feel they need to hide these things. Not everything is always lemonade. I feel sad that you think anyone would shame you or unfollow you. I feel sad that you seem so apologetic for sharing something like this. So many children with disabilities are marginalized and it’s really sad that moms like me with severely disabled kids don’t have a real life blog to follow which celebrates children with differences. Please don’t ever feel bad for being real. This is the thing that people NEED. I pray to God that one day while I’m out a sweet mom like you winks and makes my little boy laugh, instead of staring at us.